“I wonder what’s going wrong”

Some time back in 2009, I wrote my first and only twitter update. It was “I wonder what is going wrong?”. When I look back at this, I realize how desperate I must have felt. I was a senior HR professional and an individual known to be very insightful, mature and self-aware. Yet that was a phase of my life when I would go to work, sitting in the back seat of my car gripping onto Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”, knowing that it held some wonderful magic that I still had to discover. I would read only a few pages and then just hold the book again.

Don’t get me wrong, my problems, compared to so many other people’s were not very large- but they were enough to take away some peace of my mind.

The present me of 2011 feels that I could have used a bit of help from someone totally unbiased, non-judgemental and someone who believed  in me. The me of 2009, though she used to engage coaches for her senior level people at work, didn’t know that a similar sounding board could have done her some good too.

A few months later I moved on from my full time work, to travel with my husband and daughter, as my husband is in a very globally mobile role. First I lived in Perth, Australia. This was a leap of  faith for me – to move from familiar shores- the job, the route to work, the routine, the ‘comfort’ (which was so uncomfortable).

The first few months in Australia, I learnt how to let go. I really didn’t know  where my career was moving or at that time where we would live next and for how long. I was free- falling and actually having fun. With the unknown, there were moments of extreme joy – times I had missed with my then 2.5year old. There were moments of deep trust developing with my husband and in life in general. I still used to hold onto that Eckhart Tolle’s book but I felt that life itself was taking care of my well-being. I  realized how I loved meeting new people from across the globe and marveling at the many differences and similarities.

The next move (in a few months) was to Singapore. I still did not know where we would be next and for  how long or how I was going to shape a career with such quick moves. Stripped of a regular income, my job title, designation and the predictability, I became open to exploring.

There I looked for a course in Coaching. Somehow I always wondered what went on in the coaching room after i had helped match a coach to coachee, in my previous work. When I went through RCS coach training, I felt that I had re-connected to an extension of my own personality. This phase in Singapore was one of meeting the most extraordinary, vibrant, inspirational people I know. That was the time I  also came into contact with an ex-monk friend who had left monk-hood to teach happiness principles. Through a series of interactions and self-reflection I cleared much of the “insight blocks” I had faced (“I wonder what is going wrong?- my twitter update). This self awareness has helped me navigate many life situations and choices. The questions and answers are all within.

The coaching learning I was gaining just so beautifully dove-tailed with this. There were synchronicities that were happening in my life that I found miraculous. It helped me self- coach and achieve great clarity for myself.

When you can be aware, let go and abide in gratitude, I feel you find great happiness in the current moment. Luckily, I also found my core skill/ talent with which I could serve others.

Many of the inner and outer conflicts that I had ‘blew up’ at time of change or transition. That was when I could have used some coaching help, if I had known.  My inner conflicts also took place when I wasn’t being true to myself. One of my core values is to be available to my daughter. That is not something I can do in two hours at the end of the day. At the same time, I need meaning in my life from a ‘work’ perspective. So the cornerstone for me in this life is ‘balance’. With this awareness, I made changes to my life. I also realize that life is always in motion and our priorities can change as we flow through it. Being open to all of life is a part of life too.

Coaching, coupled with some wonderful life teachers, have helped me ‘be’ aswell as find courage to do what I believe in- and be of service to others in their times of inner conflict and transition.


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