How to stay calm when it feels like the hardest thing!

There will be phases in our lives when we find ourselves in a flux and don’t feel a control of outcomes; I’ve had my own share of events and experiences that have taken a lot to bend and not break. A definition of resilience that spoke to me is by Dr. Catherine Panter-Brick who says Resilience is ” a process to harness resources to sustain well-being”.

As a Coach, I was reflecting on what are the processes that I myself have fallen back on, to stay resilient and keep breathing through adversity. These are some things you can try, if you need to stay calm(This is not for chronic stress and anxiety for which one should definitely reach out to a relevant professional).

Anchor in the Present and in Nature
- When there’s chaos around or inside, watch out for the stable and unchanging. Use all your senses. The sun is still shining, you can feel it’s warmth; the breeze rustles through leaves; the birds sing and the fan whirrs; the neighbour is baking a cake; children squeal with joy in the park. Rely on your senses to bring you back into this moment where you can breathe and where there are possibilities.
Anchor in Routine
- Even if it feels like you don’t have any time or Mindspace, take out time for something that is routine for you. Go out for that walk; play with your pet; water your plants; meditate/ be mindful even if it is for a few minutes; get a small work out done.
Take Pen to Paper
- Writing gives a lot of clarity. Use a physical or digital diary. Getting it all down on paper will open up your mind to opportunities, patterns of thinking and mind blocks. Don’t judge yourself when you do this.
Label Your Emotions
- When you try and ‘label’ what you’re feeling at present, you may realize that your vocabulary is quite limited! It’s important to accurately know what our emotions are saying, so we can identify our needs and address them. Brush up on the vocab- it’s an act towards self- care. The pic below will help too.
- This is a handy article: https://hbr.org/2016/11/3-ways-to-better-understand-your-emotions
Focus On What You Can Control
- It’s an uphill battle if we keep at things we have non control over. Distinguishing between what is in our hands, empowers us. See the pic below from U of U Counselling as a reminder.
Focus On The Next Few Steps
- We might not have a grand plan at present, but we always have the next few steps. The fog will clear as we move on foot and then the next.
Check In On Your Values
- Spend time on creating awareness of your values so when then the chips are down, you understand if there is stress because something core to you is not being honored. (There are resources available for this)This is the first step to making better decisions or holding a meaningful conversation where it matters.
Find Meaning Where You Are
- I love a very simple frame that #ShirzadChamine talks about in his book #PositiveIntelligence. In any situation there are always at least 3 gifts. What is it that your not seeing? How is this situation serving you in the bigger picture?
Identify Your Sabateurs
- Another beautiful one by #ShirzadChamine and #PositiveIntelligence Become aware of how you routinely self-sabotage. At times of stress, I can hear my Hypervigilant and Victim saboteurs more. Noticing them and choosing a more sage response helps me. I urge you to explore this for greater self-awareness.
Choose Your Mindset Often
- This is not a one-time thing- check in on your self-talk regularly. Keep it kind and ask yourself how you want to show up in difficult situations and conversations. Wear the hat you want and not the default one.
Surround yourself with supportive people who want the best for you.
- No explanation for this!
Surrender To A Higher Power
- At the end of the day, for a good night’s sleep, know there is a higher power and it will be okay. The universe will find a way when you can’t. Let things happen through you!

Build yourself a support circel.Seek professional help when you need. It’s okay for things to be messy and it’s important to find your way to well being, when it is messy. I hope this helps you to stay resilient!